Please corect any errors you will find in my cover letter. Thank you very much in advance?

Question by vardansem: Please corect any errors you will find in my cover letter. Thank you very much in advance?
I graduated from * university in June 2007 with a honor degree in Engineering with specialization of Computer Systems & Software.
During my education at |* I attended to a special courses organized by * company where I learned web technology ,data structures and object oriented programming, project management and worked on a real projects. Last two years of my education I attended Electronic Design Automatization courses organized by * company.This two companies played very important role in my professional development.
Recently, I completed my army service at a * Institute after *| where I was given the responsibility to do research in computer aided aircraft design. Now I’m working there as a senior specialist in a research laboratory.
While my present job has helped me develop some professionality , the environment that I am currently in cannot support my desire for research.

I therefore believe that I must return to the academic world for further growth.

I think * University will be ideal place to continue my education because the abundance opportunities which it gives to all his students.
The university web site revealed a very strong faculties involved in extensive research in the areas of Computer Sciense and Aerospace Engineering.
I have spoken to my professors, seniors and colleagues about my choice of university and they all agreed with my decision.
Also I found very much information about the university in visitors guide.
I love sport activities especially rock climbing . And how I found the * offers not only this but also skiing, hiking and other recreational activities. All this will help me to stay in good shape and this of course will affect positively in my study process.
All this facts has strengthened my resolve to study at * University .
I think this is a place I have been looking for, a place where my background, experience, and skills can be put to use and make things happen.
With my academic background and relevant experience, I am confident that I am qualified and able to perform well in your university.

I want to thank you for consideration of my application. I look forward to your positive response.

Best answer:

Answer by 김성아
Your english is very good. Just a few mistakes.
Here is the revised one. 🙂
I hope you get positive feedback!

I graduated from a university in June 2007 with a honor degree in Engineering and specialization of Computer Systems & Software.
During my education at the university I attended there was a special course organized by a company where I learned web technology, data structures, object oriented programming, project management, and I also worked on real projects. the last two years of my education I attended Electronic Design Automatization courses organized by a company. These two companies played a very important role in my professional development.

Recently, I completed my army service at a Institute where I was given the opportunity to do research in a computer aided aircraft design. Now I’m working there as a senior specialist in a research laboratory.
While my present job has helped me develop professionally, the environment that I am currently in cannot support my desire for research.

I therefore believe that I must return to the academic world for further growth.

I think a university will be an ideal place to continue my education because of the abundant opportunities it gives to all its students.
The university web site revealed very strong faculties involved in extensive research in the areas of Computer Science and Aerospace Engineering.
I have spoken to my professors, seniors and colleagues about my choice of university and they all agreed with my decision.
Also I found very much information about the university in a visitors guide.
I love sports activities especially rock climbing. I found the university offers not only this but also skiing, hiking and other recreational activities. All this will help me to stay in good shape and this of course will affect positively in my study process.
All these facts have strengthened my resolve to study at this university .
I think this is a place I have been looking for, a place where my background, experience, and skills can be put to use and make things happen.
With my academic background and relevant experience, I am confident that I am qualified and able to perform well in your university.

I want to thank you for consideration of my application. I look forward to your positive response.

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